"For Heaven's sake, Chris, why can't you talk to me once in a while?" Julie whined. "What?" Chris replied. "Look around!" Julie yelled, as she pointed around the room. "Look at all these books! You always have your head buried in a book! You don't even seem to know I'm alive!" "I'm sorry, honey," Chris said. "Sometimes I wish I were a book. Maybe then you'd at least look at me!" Julie exclaimed. "Hmmmm," Chris mumbled, "that's not such a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."
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A man died and went to hell. Upon arrival he met with the CDIC (Chief Devil in Charge).
Devil: We run things a bit differently nowadays, you get to pick your own personal hell.
Man: That's not so bad, whatcha got?
Devil: Well, I'm going to open a series of doors, look inside, assess the situation and then tell me if that's where you want to spend eternity.
Man: OK.
The devil opens the first door and there's a room of people standing on their heads on a hardwood floor.
Man: Ouch, that seems painful. It's not for me, what's next.
The devil opens the next door to reveal the same situation, only on concrete floors.
Man: That looks worse, got anything left.
The devil opens the third door to reveal a room full of people standing knee deep in shit drinking coffee.
Man: Well, the shit smells but I could stand the smell and drink coffee all day. I'll take this one.
Devil: Are you sure this is the one you want?
Man: Absolutely!
The devil then escorts him in the room shuts and locks the door. As soon as the door closes, a whistle blows and a loud speaker says - "Alright, coffee break is over, back on your heads!"
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A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building... he suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks: "why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?" The blond answers in a very weak voice: "we wanted to try out our new maxi-pads with wings" "..."
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The Logic of Marriage - A Child's View
Jack, a very young lad aged 4 years, says to his father, 'Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married.'
His father explains, 'For that Jack, you have to have a boy and a girl.'
So Jack answers, 'I've already found a girl.'
'Who?' splutters his Dad.
'Grandma,' continues Jack happily.
'Now, let me get this straight,' his father says. 'You want to marry my mother? ................. You can't do that.'
'I don't see why not?' Jack responds, 'You married mine!'
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