12 May 2010

Chase is very pleased to announce that we are installing new Drive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cash without leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilize this facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored to best reflect the behaviors  of those particular groupings. 


PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 
Drive up to the ATM  
Open the car window  
Insert card into machine and enter PIN Enter amount of cash required and press "enter" 
Retrieve card, cash and receipt 
Close window Drive away 


PROCEDURE FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS: 
Drive up to the ATM 
Reverse back the required distance to align car with ATM 
Re-start stalled engine 
Open the car window 
Find handbag, empty all contents onto the passenger seat and locate card 
Turn radio down 
Attempt to insert card into ATM 
Open car door to allow easier access to ATM due to excessive distance between car and ATM 
Insert card 
Re-insert card the right way up 
Ignore the sound of car horn from vehicle behind 
Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate diary with PIN written on the inside back page under "Date of Birth" 
Enter PIN 
Press "cancel" and re-enter PIN 
Enter amount of cash required and check make-up in rearview mirror  
Drum fingertips on steering wheel for one minute, then look at ATM and press "enter" 
Retrieve cash and receipt 
Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate purse and place cash inside 
Place receipt in back of cheque book 
Re-check make-up 
Drive forward two meters 
Reverse back to ATM ignoring the sound of car horn from vehicle behind 
Retrieve card 
Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate card holder and place card in an empty slot 
Drive two or three kilometers 
Release hand brake 


************************************ 
This 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above "You will live to be 100." She looked around and didn't see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100." Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I've got 40 more years to live! So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe. When she left the plastic surgeon's office, she got hit by a bus, died, and went up to heaven. She said to God "You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?" God said: "I didn't recognize you."