16 May 2010

The following supposedly a true story. This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

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A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.

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Man says to God: "Why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." Man says to God: "But God, Why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." 

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ENGLISH PHRASE----------------------CHINESE TRANSLATION
Are you harboring a fugitive?--------Hu Yu Hai Ding? (who you hiding?)
See me A. S. A. P.----------------------Kum Hia Nao (come here now)
Stupid Man---------------------------Dum Gai (dumb guy)
Small Horse--------------------------Tai Ni Po Ni (tiny pony)
Your price is too high!!-------------No Bai Dam Thing!! (no buy damn thing)
Did you go to the beach?-------------Wai Yu So Tan? (why you so tanned?)
I bumped into a coffee table---------Ai Bang Mai Ni (i bang my knee)
I think you need a facelift----------Chin Tu Fat (chin too fat)
It's very dark in here---------------Wai So Dim? (why so dim?)
Has your flight been delayed?--------Hao Long Wei Ting? (how long waiting?)
I thought you were on a diet---------Wai Yu Mun Ching? (why you munching?)
This is a tow away zone---------------No Pah King (no parking)
You are not very bright---------------Yu So Dum (you so dumb)
I got this for free-------------------Ai No Pei (i no pay)
I am not guilty-----------------------Wai Hang Mi? (why hang me?)
Please, stay a while longer-----------Wai Go Nao? (why go now?)
Our meeting was scheduled next week---Wai Yu Kum Nao (why you come now?)
They have arrived---------------------Hia Dei Kum (here they come)
Stay out of sight---------------------Lei Lo (lay low)
He's cleaning his automobile----------Wa Shing Ka (washing car)

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A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives."

A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, ""Esther, did we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?" "No Morris!" she responded. Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?" "Oh no, I forgot to send the check!!" Now Morris laughs. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month?" "Oh Morris I forgot that one too!" Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris, "So what are you smiling and laughing about?" Morris responds, "They'll find us."

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An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about 20' behind her and asked "Can you hear me sweetheart?" No reply. Moved to 10' and inquired again. No reply. 5' and not a word. A few inches behind ear, he asked "Can you hear me now honey?" His wife said "For the fourth time, yes."

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Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you'll be fat and useless when you grow up. 
Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!