A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wits's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope.
The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, 'Prepare three envelopes.'
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The English Language Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language? Let's face it English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France
We sometimes take English for granted But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,Why didn't the preacher praught
If a vegetarian eats vegetables What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy Of a language where a house can burn up as It burns down
And in which you fill in a form By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers And it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch It starts
But when I wind up this observation, It ends.
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