The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that, since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, ‘Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?’
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What happened to the glow worm who was squashed?
He was de-lighted!
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Excuses when caught napping at work
Some quick thinking to get out of the "caught napping jam! "...
They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout again!
I wasn't sleeping! I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?
Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem!
I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without using my hands.
The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot!
********************************
One day, this woman went to a bait shop to get her husband a fishing reel for his birthday. After selecting one, she inquired as to its cost. The owner replied, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm blind and cannot see what reel you have. If you drop it on the floor, I'll recognize it and be of more help. " So she did just that. After hearing it hit the floor, the owner said, "That's the Johnson Model9400. It'll be $40.00." The woman decided to take it so she went to pick it up off the floor. Upon bending over, she let rip a stinky, squeaky fart. The owner rang up the sale and said, "That'll be fifty dollars. "Fifty dollars?!?!" the woman exclaimed. "You just told me that is was forty dollars a moment ago!"
"Yes, I did ", said the owner, "But that was for the reel. The duck call is another $7.50 and the stink bait is $2.50."
They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout again!
I wasn't sleeping! I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?
Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem!
I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without using my hands.
The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot!
********************************
One day, this woman went to a bait shop to get her husband a fishing reel for his birthday. After selecting one, she inquired as to its cost. The owner replied, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm blind and cannot see what reel you have. If you drop it on the floor, I'll recognize it and be of more help. " So she did just that. After hearing it hit the floor, the owner said, "That's the Johnson Model9400. It'll be $40.00." The woman decided to take it so she went to pick it up off the floor. Upon bending over, she let rip a stinky, squeaky fart. The owner rang up the sale and said, "That'll be fifty dollars. "Fifty dollars?!?!" the woman exclaimed. "You just told me that is was forty dollars a moment ago!"
"Yes, I did ", said the owner, "But that was for the reel. The duck call is another $7.50 and the stink bait is $2.50."
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