I'm going to run in for confession, it's been a long time'.
Pat enters the confessional and says,' Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman'.
The priest asks, 'was it Mrs Murphy'?
'no, Father', was the reply.
'Was it Mrs O'Boyle'?
Again the reply was 'No, Father'.
'Was it Mrs. O'Grady'?
Pat said, 'Father, I'll not be teling you the lady's name!'
So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary's for each time he had sinned with the woman.
Back on the street, Mike said, 'Well, how did you do'? Pat said,
'Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects!'
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The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walked into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asked the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant didn't answer. The Godfather asked again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupted, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather said, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is." The attorney, using sign language, asked the accountant where the three million dollars was. The accountant signed back, "I don't know what you're talking about." The attorney interpreted to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulled out a pistol, put it to the temple of the accountant, cocked the trigger and said, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!" The attorney signed to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signed back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather asked, "Well, what did he say?" The attorney interpreted to the Godfather, "He said that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
*********************************
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother:
Dear Grandmother,
I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday.
With love,Mike
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!'
Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
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Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.
Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man.
Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.
-- John Lyly
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