"Uh," replied his father, "I don't really know too much about electricity."
A few minutes later the boy said, ""How does gas make the engine go?"
"Son, I'm afraid I don't know much about motors."
"Dad," said the boy, "what is anthropology?"
"Anthropology?" The father frowned. "I really don't know."
"Gee, Dad, I guess I'm making a nuisance of myself."
"Not at all, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything."
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My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?"
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Murphy's Laws Of Parenting...
A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first, the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.
A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Celibacy is not hereditary. Familiarity breeds children.
For adult education, nothing beats children.
God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once and God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
Having children will turn you into your parents.
If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - actually from Erma Bombeck
One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.
Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
The best thing to spend on your children is time.
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.
You can learn many things from children...like how much patience you have.
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My brother's on a seafood diet.
Really?
Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.
Really?
Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.
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In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?" The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!" "How can you tell?" asks girl baby. "Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.blue booties."
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A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
A: Pregnant.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
A: After a dye job.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911"" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
A: She saw "911"" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads."
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads."
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