Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
***********
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When I do it without being told, I'm trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.
When I please my boss, that's brown-nosing.
When my boss pleases his boss, that's co-operating.
When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.
***********
Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. "I've just bought a pig," said the first.
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Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. "I've just bought a pig," said the first.
"But where will you keep it?" said the second. "Your yard's much too small for a pig!"
"I'm going to keep it under my bed," replied his friend.
"But what about the smell?"
"He'll soon get used to that."
***********
On the first day his son joined the family firm, the founder took him on to the roof of the factory building and said, "I am going to give you your very first lesson in business. Stand on the edge of the roof."
Reluctantly, the boy went to stand on the edge of the roof.
"Now," said his father, "when I say, 'Jump,' I want you to jump off the roof."
"But, Dad," said the boy, "there's a huge drop!"
"Do you want to succeed in business?"
"Yes, Dad."
"And you trust me, don't you?"
"Yes, Dad."
"So do as I say and jump."
The boy jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay there, winded and bruised. His father went racing down the stairs and ran up to him.
"That was your first lesson in business, son. Never trust anyone."
***********
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
***********
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
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