7 August 2011

This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy." 

The friend asks, "How so?" 

"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"

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There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this 'unusual' handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.

Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. 

The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was, 'Do you notice anything unusual about me?' The guy said, 'Now that you mention it, you have no ears.' The man got really upset and threw the guy out. 

The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, 'Do you notice anything unusual about me?' This guy also noticed, 'Yes, you have no ears.' The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out. 

Then he had the third interview.. The third candidate was even better than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, 'Do you notice anything unusual about me?' The guy replied 'Yeah, you're wearing contact lenses.' 

Surprised, the man then asked, 'Wow! That's quite perceptive of you!
How could you tell?' The guy burst out laughing and said, 'Well, You can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!'

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A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days." The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. 

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

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THANK YOU

Thank you to all my friends who sent me such important emails this year! It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform! Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out from you that it's good for removing toilet stains and rusting these are out of 40-gallon drum. I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with a disease. I smell like a homeless f*@k, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because you said it causes cancer. I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seventeen blocks, because you said that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me. I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover. I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonald's and KFC can sell their wares. I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I would get sick from the rat faces and urine. When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody or talk to anybody- you said that someone would take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. However, the police are also after me at present because you said not to pull over, as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me. I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in anticipation of the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program. It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland. But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse.