8 October 2010

A magician was employed by a shipping line to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain owned a parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by the magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech, "He does it with a mirror" or "He's got it up his sleeve." The magician was furious, but since the bird was a favorite with the captain and he was anxious to retain his position for future cruises, he maintained an angry silence.
One evening as the magician worked, the parrot continued to harass the unfortunate man. Sadly the ship ran into a mine which had become detached from the sea floor after a storm. 
The explosion tore the bow off the ship which sank within a few minutes. Amid the wreckage and the lifeboats, the magician sat on one end of a table from the first class dining room. At the other end sat the parrot, dirty and disheveled, his feathers caked with fuel oil. For some time they eyed each other malevolently saying nothing. Finally the parrot shook himself and advanced across the table. He fixed the magician with a beady eye. "Okay, I give up," he squawked. "What did you do with the ship?"



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TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday? 
JACK: 7 years old 
TEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday? 
JACK: 9 years old 
TEACHER: That's impossible! 
JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today. 


TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is. 
MIKE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America? 
CLASS: Mike!!!


TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave? 
STUDENT: Yes sir. 
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave? 
STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours. 


COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do? 
TEACHER: No. 
COOL STUDENT: Good 'cos I didn't do my homework. 


TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago. 
ALFRED: Me!!!


TEACHER: Are you chewing gum? 
BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson. 


TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake. 
STUDENT: You can't fool me teacher! Snakes don't have feet!!!


HYGIENE TEACHER: How do you prevent deseases from biting insects? 
WILLY: Don't bite any. 


TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence using the word 'I'
ELLEN: I is.... 
TEACHER: No Ellen always use "I am." 
ELLEN: Oh, alright. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."