28 September 2010

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"

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This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
Man: What was that for?
Wife: What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?
Man: Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.

The wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
Man: What the hell was that for this time?
Wife: Your horse called.