24 November 2010

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realises that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

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Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
"Let me look. " said the other one. So she handed her the compact. The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one. "You dumb ass -- that's ME!"

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Creative way to say someone stupid

A few crumbs short of a crouton. 

A few clowns short of a circus. 

A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. 

A few beers short of a six-pack. 

A few peas short of a casserole. 

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. 

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl. 

One taco short of a combination plate. 

A few feathers short of a whole duck. 

All foam, no beer. 

Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. 

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. 

He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. 

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. 

As smart as bait. 

Chimney's clogged. 

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. 

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. 

Forgot to pay her brain bill. 

Her sewing machine's out of thread. 

If she had another brain, it would be lonely. 

Missing a few buttons on his remote control. 

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 

Has the intelligence of a Carrot.