23 November 2010

Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend?
A: Without him, the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.

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A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves. Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation."

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A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years go by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. The snail looks up and says, "What the hell was that all about?"

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What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails?
A retail store.

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Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything."
"Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"
"No," the girl replied. "Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"
"N-n-no," the girl replied. "You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the level about this."

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"We have a terrible time making ends meet on Bob's income." his wife told her best friend. "How do you two manage? And you even have kids!"
"We get along okay," her friend said. "You see, we work on our budget every evening. That saves us lots of money."
"Really? How can that be?"
"Well, by the time we get it all balanced, it's too damn late to go anywhere and do anything!"