14 November 2010

"Dad, do you believe in Buddha?" "Why, of course, but I think margarine is just as good."

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A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor.
Another replied: "Of course sleep is a factor. The only time I'm not eating is when I'm sleeping!"

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Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!

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A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat. "What animal is this?" she asked.
"A cat!" said Eddie.
"Good job! Now, what is this animal?"
"A dog!" said Eddie.
"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,"It's what your mom calls your dad."
"A horny bastard," called out Eddie.

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A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. "Oy Morris," said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost. I was just too tired to walk home."

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When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.