Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #130

**Irish Jokes**

The Irish attempt on Mount Everest was a valiant effort, but it failed: They ran out of scaffolding.

1) Big Rock

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
"It was in honour of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock."

2) How to Gain Admittance to the Olympics

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.
While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

3) Judgement

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of twenty euros costs.

"Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.
"I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man.
"And why not?".
"Because I'm the barman at your regular pub."

4) Irish Doctors

The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, O'Flaherty. I think it must be drink."
"Don't worry about it Dr Cullen, I'll come back when you're sober." said O'Flaherty.