3 July 2010

During the Mexican American War, an intense long standoff occurred along the front. For days and days neither side made any advances.
Finally, an American general had a bright idea. He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled,
"Hey, Juan!"
A soldier jumped up and replied, "What?" The general shot him dead.
This continued for three days.
A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and decided to try it out. He called out, "Hey, John!"
An American replied, "John isn't here. Is that you Juan?"
The Mexican general stood up, "Yeah."
...


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Things NOT to say to a Cop!
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!!
5. Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
8. Bad cop! No Donut!
9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on "Cops"?
11. You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
12. I pay your salary!
13. So, duhhhh, you on the take, or what?
14. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too.
15. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
16. I was trying to keep up with the other traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far ahead of me they are.
17. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained observer!

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A woman goes into her lawyers office requesting a divorce. He is taking all of her background information and asks her, "Do you have grounds for a divorce?" To which she replies, "Well, we have three acres."
"No, ma'am. What I mean is, does he beat you up?" asks the attorney. "No, I get up around 6:30 and he sleeps until 7:00," she responds. Feeling a little frustrated the attorney asks, "Lady, tell me, do you have a grudge?" Looking very confident she states, "No, we have a carport."At this point the lawyer has lost his patience and asks, "Look, Lady. Why the heck do you want a divorce?" "Because he can't hold an intelligent conversation!"