Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
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Sign seen in a bar:
"Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
"Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
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These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.
WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN -- FROST FREE!
FROZEN SOFT + GENTLE BATH TISSUE - 4 ROLLS 99 CENTS
AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.
THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE SONGS OF THE '50s: INCLUDING "16 TONS" BY TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS + BOX SPRING - $175.
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER + DRYER - $300.
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG... LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE... BETTER BE A REWARD.
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Mc Nally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It's to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains. When the plane landed Mc Nally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I'm meetin' me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?"
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YOUR SO BALD THAT WHEN YOU WEAR A TURTLENECK YOU LOOK LIKE A ROLL ON DEODORANT.
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It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters. The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers. "Are you Mr. Johnson?" he asked. He admitted that he was. "Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was him. "And what did you do then," the troopers asked. "The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed. "Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage. "May we see the car?" asked the troopers. The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage. Inside the garage was the state troopers car."
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10. New seats would require everyone to have the same body size.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.
8. The U. S. government would get subsidies from an automaker--a first.
7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable, five times as fast, but ran on only 5% of the roads.
5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.
4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car 95 or Car NT - but then you would have to buy more seats.
3. Occasionally your car would die for no apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.
2. Every time the lines on the road were repainted, you'd have to buy a new car.
1. People would get excited about the new features of Microsoft cars, forgetting that the same features had been available from other carmakers for years.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.
8. The U. S. government would get subsidies from an automaker--a first.
7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable, five times as fast, but ran on only 5% of the roads.
5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.
4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car 95 or Car NT - but then you would have to buy more seats.
3. Occasionally your car would die for no apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.
2. Every time the lines on the road were repainted, you'd have to buy a new car.
1. People would get excited about the new features of Microsoft cars, forgetting that the same features had been available from other carmakers for years.
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